Summertime brings about much that is positive in life – sunshine, holidays, the melody of an ice cream van as it makes its way down your road and of course the definitive Indian Wedding Season. The Hindu wedding is a beautiful occasion. Celebrated with much pomp and joy, it symbolises the joining of not just two souls, but the unification of two families.
Well it should do. We must remember that there are two sides to every story. Although everyone appears to be happy during the wedding procession, a growing number of marriages are ending prematurely. Why? From a small sample of people asked that have been subject to failed marriages, the underlying commonality is the pressure from parents to get married young. Tradition, not religion, dictates that children should be married at a young age. In our grandparent’s time, it wasn’t uncommon for families to arrange the marriages of children from a young age. In fact, Gandhiji’s marriage to Kasturba was arranged when he was 6 years old! But as time has moved on, so have trends and traditions. The arranged marriage is now more of an introductory service, and the age to get married has substantially increased. However, a percentage of families still insist on adhering to tradition, not religion, and constantly reinforce the notion that ‘nobody will want to marry you after a certain age’. Seldom is this the case for the son, but it is prevalent in the case of daughters.
Nowhere in Hindu scriptures does it declare that a daughter must be married by a certain age. True, certain scriptures allow for daughters to be married at a young age, but there is no set law stating she MUST be married by that age. In fact, Dharma encourages us to adjust and adapt with modern day living, and in this case we have to understand that certain old village traditions are not feasible for life in the modern, western world. Long gone are the days of women being in the kitchen whilst men go out to work. Now both men and women are career-minded and wish to succeed in the working world before settling down. More often than not, girls are forced into marriage younger than their male counterparts, as they feel duty-bound by their parents to do so. Of course, obeying ones parents is paramount in fulfilling our Dharma, but so too should parents support and understand our need for succeeding in our respective fields.
So this summer, when you come home from a wedding, and ‘marriage fever’ manifests, ask your children first; are you ready for marriage? If they say no, then respect their decision – after all, the future is in our hands.
Well it should do. We must remember that there are two sides to every story. Although everyone appears to be happy during the wedding procession, a growing number of marriages are ending prematurely. Why? From a small sample of people asked that have been subject to failed marriages, the underlying commonality is the pressure from parents to get married young. Tradition, not religion, dictates that children should be married at a young age. In our grandparent’s time, it wasn’t uncommon for families to arrange the marriages of children from a young age. In fact, Gandhiji’s marriage to Kasturba was arranged when he was 6 years old! But as time has moved on, so have trends and traditions. The arranged marriage is now more of an introductory service, and the age to get married has substantially increased. However, a percentage of families still insist on adhering to tradition, not religion, and constantly reinforce the notion that ‘nobody will want to marry you after a certain age’. Seldom is this the case for the son, but it is prevalent in the case of daughters.
Nowhere in Hindu scriptures does it declare that a daughter must be married by a certain age. True, certain scriptures allow for daughters to be married at a young age, but there is no set law stating she MUST be married by that age. In fact, Dharma encourages us to adjust and adapt with modern day living, and in this case we have to understand that certain old village traditions are not feasible for life in the modern, western world. Long gone are the days of women being in the kitchen whilst men go out to work. Now both men and women are career-minded and wish to succeed in the working world before settling down. More often than not, girls are forced into marriage younger than their male counterparts, as they feel duty-bound by their parents to do so. Of course, obeying ones parents is paramount in fulfilling our Dharma, but so too should parents support and understand our need for succeeding in our respective fields.
So this summer, when you come home from a wedding, and ‘marriage fever’ manifests, ask your children first; are you ready for marriage? If they say no, then respect their decision – after all, the future is in our hands.
2 comments:
This is very interesting information. I have a friend who got married under the pressure that it's time to marry and unfortunately his marriage didn't work out. Thanks for sharing!
It is very true that parents should be able to differentiate between tradition and religion. I also agree that the times have indeed changed and women/girls should go out and build their careers as the traditionalist view that Indian wife's must stay at home, cook and clean all day is very outdated.
I believe that the mentality of men and women have also changed recently. Nowadays we go through so much in our 20's and this shapes our character, so much so that getting prepared to marry at a young as is premature.
Post a Comment